Affair Recovery

This is probably one of the most challenging times during a couple’s relationship. Though it might seem easy to be unfaithful to a partner or spouse, it is quite the opposite when it comes to recovering from the damage to the relationship afterwards. The person that was betrayed by their partner’s affair never forgets the day when they discover the dishonest companion’s unfaithful act. Unfortunately, in this digital age, it is easier for those unfaithful to remain anonymous and act without ever leaving home. Problems of infidelity and sexual immorality, though, have existed since the beginning of time – they are not new to our generation. Some affairs are premeditated, though most often circumstances present themselves and then opportunities develop that lead to poor choices, followed by very painful consequences which affect the relationship from then on. Many couples share that contributing factors to the infidelity included disconnection, boredom or an excessive focus on their jobs or other responsibilities. Rather than seeking support from their partner or a supportive source, quite often it appears to be more exciting and interesting to them to connect with an outside source that can make them forget about the loneliness and division in their relationship.

As expected, once the couple comes to a counseling center to work through the affair, the betrayed companion wants to know every detail. During couple’s counseling the therapist walks this journey with them by helping the injured parties to reconcile and rebuild trust. Exploration of an honest inventory is important, but some details of the affair are not necessary to rebuild trust in the relationship. Typically, the offender was anxious before the disclosure of the affair and once he/she is exposed, their anxiety decreases, and they become impatient to move on. Unfortunately, often they forget that the offended-one is dealing with shock, denial and anger while attempting to rebuild trust and to make sense of what has caused the fractured relationship. The goal is to help the couple come together and create a new relationship, but this cannot happen until both parties are willing to listen to one another and share honestly about the pain inflicted on the relationship. The offender is often eager to move on and struggles to talk about the hurt caused between the couple. It takes time to accept the reality of what has happened in the relationship, and patience for both is required. Typically, the betrayed partner needs continual ‘proof’ that this type of hurt will not occur again. That is why disclosure is so vital and full transparency is a must. However, this is not about punishing the offender or inducing guilt, shame or humiliation; the goal is to learn what caused the betrayal in the first place.

At Balance, Harmony & Restoration Counseling LLC couples will learn how to process the infidelity and deal with the pain that it has caused in the relationship. Couples will learn how to feel safe and to be more vulnerable with one another. Couples will increase their communication skills by being more sensitive and respectful and able to interact without getting triggered by each other’s criticism, anger and frustration. Attachment issues will be investigated while identifying family dynamics in order to understand the negative cycle that causes disconnect and isolation. Exploring conflict resolutions by discussing one’s fears and needs will assist the couple to grow more intimately while discovering their desire to connect and identify with one another; as one team that strives to share lives joys and struggles together.